She Came… Twice

‘Twas about 2 am, when I decided to go to bed. “Won’t be able to fall asleep without a cigarette”, I thought, so went and lit one up. It was quiet outside. I could make out the movement of a hedgehog in the bushes. As I played along with the smoke and the amber on the end of my killers’ silhouette, I heard an unusual cough. Well it wasn’t that unusual looking around the poorly lit up street with many open windows. It was a hot day before so I assumed a neighbor just rolled over in their bed.

As I entered the room I remembered to check the stove, the lock and what not. Not that I was too keen on walking around the house, I guess these are just learned instincts. As I found nothing wrong, I started blaming myself for ever doubting myself in regards of not forgetting anything.

With the window open I made the bed, undressed and started thinking whether I want to sleep with music. As usual my brain would have been doing overtime if there’s nothing to sooth it, so naturally I started the computer that I’ve just shut down less than 10 minutes ago. Started up the music player and pressed play. I had to skip a couple of tracks ‘till I found one that felt right, so I needed to check what would come after that, to make sure I would be comfortable in bed not having to change or press anything. This takes up far too much of my time when I should be sleeping already.

When I finally figured this out, I was already craving for another good night cigarette, for more than an hour went by unnoticed. Knowing the next day I could sleep in without having to do anything too important I was easily convinced.

These are usually the moments when I figure things out. Alone with my thoughts, and the smoke. It’s too bad I go to bed right after and forget everything before the next day. I’ve many times decided that I would write down whatever comes to mind at times like this, but of course this decision was also made in the same circumstances.

This time it was a bit different though. I couldn’t think of any new puns, nor world changing inventions or technologies. All I could think about was her. The words we spoke and the ones we were afraid to. I knew I was in love, so was she, but I guess we were trying to fool ourselves that it was something that would pass. “It would make things a lot easier”, I said to myself, while pressing on the cigarette butt in the tray. Couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I’m not enthusiastic usually, so this was somewhat of a surprise. The turning point was days ago, I already knew what I was in to emotionally, but forgot what it was like. The rush I would get when getting a message even when I know she won’t be able to text me at that time.

“Well, if I’m already here and not feeling sleepy at all, might as well light up another one.” I counted what was left of the pack, with a quick calculation I reassured myself that I was well equipped and would have to leave the house only in the afternoon. I started thinking about healing myself, but couldn’t stay focused. The cigarette was about half way through when I heard someone press a button on the intercom, then another. When I heard the ringtone from inside the house I was not yet sure if it was ours or the neighbors’ but went to check anyway. Opening the door to the terrace I was immediately aware that the sound was coming from the inside, so I rushed to ask who it was, but there was no answer. Knowing that there was a problem with our device I pressed open regardless. Rushed to my room to get dressed, though I was unsure if anyone was actually coming to our house. We don’t get visitors, much less at this hour, so I figured it might have been a drunken neighbor. After putting my pants on I went back to the door to listen, but there was only silence. Checked through the peephole, but it was dark outside. With some second thoughts I decided that if I let someone in the building it was my responsibility to see what was happening, so I opened the door.

There was nobody there, so I switched on the lights and checked the other floors as well. That’s when I saw Her. She was pale and could barely stand. I rushed down the flight of stairs and embraced her. She hugged me tight to the point where it hurts. We stood there about a minute or so, the lights went off in the meantime. When she loosened her grip my first thought was to put the lights back on, but as soon as I tuned to the switch, she started running down the stairs. I tried to tell her to stop, but there was no reaction. She knew I couldn’t keep up, but tried telling her that too in vain because I heard the gate slam shut. In my own pace I hurried out on the street as well, but I remembered I hadn’t brought my keys so I didn’t let the door go. I couldn’t see her on the street, so I wouldn’t have known which way to go anyway. Turning around defeated I saw her crumbled up with her back against the wall just beside the gate. She wasn’t crying but from her makeup it was clear, that she had been before. She looked like she was in a state of shock, so as gently as I could I tried convincing her to come in. She didn’t speak a word, but after a short while I got her to nod her head. I was afraid of what she might have done to be like this, but that came second to her well being.

She seemed to come to, after a while I got her to stand up, and come inside. She hesitated a bit at the doorstep, but finally we were inside. I made her sit down, and held her hand for a while, but she was yet again unresponsive. I thought a cup of tea would help her, so I got up and started making her one listing the choice of tea leaves I had at the house, finishing the list with coffee, what I was going to have. She turned to me and only said “coffee” with a child’s voice. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at her regardless of the given situation, but that might have just been the trick, because she smiled back. She was sober just like that - very much to my surprise - though it didn’t last long. As soon as I turned to turn on the stove, she started crying in silence but with no stopping it. I decided that crying can’t hurt her so I went on making coffee. I also got an ash tray and some napkins for her while it was boiling. I knew her troubles, just couldn’t get the thought of something sinister out of my head with a reaction this powerful on her. She was still sobbing when I placed the two cups on the table.

“One girl, one guy and two cups” I said while sitting down trying to make a reference to a viral video that caused mass hysteria on the web a couple of years back. She got it and started smiling at me. That’s when I knew she was going to be alright. She slowly calmed down and we each started to sip our coffee, though it was still too hot.  I checked to see whether there was any milk left, but sadly I knew I had none.

After a couple  sips I made like I was turning to her, though I’m quite convinced she was aware of me staring at her all along, and asked her if she “wanted to talk about it”. She nodded no, so we just sat there in silence for a while.

Much to  my surprise after a while she asked if we could listen to some music. “Sure”, I answered and went after my laptop. When I came back, she was still in her chair, with her makeup destroyed by tears, still she was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.

Asked what she would like to listen to, but she just said whatever, so I pressed play and was reassured when I heard the playlist I assembled earlier kick in.

At that time I meant to ask her if she was alright, but it seemed like a stupid question, so I asked an even more stupid one: “what’s wrong?”

I should have anticipated her answer “Everything!” but at least it was more than “nothing”.

She drank her coffee in a hurry, and I saw her getting ready to stand up, so I told her to sit tight, because she wasn’t going anywhere. I could see she wanted to refuse, but I think I was serious enough that she gave up on the idea and put her bag aside.

Told her she was going to sleep here with me beside her no questions asked, period. I was really hoping my smile wouldn’t ruin it, but it seems that was what convinced her. I asked if she was hungry, but she said she couldn’t eat anything, so I put a chocolate bar on the table in case she changes her mind.

I tried to be as funny about it as I could, but I had to be sure, so I asked if she killed anybody. She chuckled and answered “Myself almost.”, so I was reassured it was nothing the police would be bothering us about.

She wasn’t too talkative, so I asked if she would also like some wine, but she said it was late and that we should probably go to bed, so I showed her the bedroom, and found her a XXL T-shirt to sleep in. After each taking our turns in the bathroom, I laid next to her keeping a distance from her, but I couldn’t resist temptation, so I wrapped an arm around her. She turned around and kissed me.

She must have been extremely exhausted, because in that very moment she fell asleep. I still didn’t know what to make of the night, but then I knew she was peaceful. Later my hand went numb, so I carefully pulled it out from under her being very cautious  not to wake her and turned to my other side. She grabbed my shoulder turned me right back and kissed me long and hard.

Finished my cigarette before I could think it through to the end, but here. I tried writing things down before going to sleep.

If I were Monsanto

Well okay, I don't want to sound like a greenpeace activist, nor a conspiration theorist, but guys, there's something wrong.

I'm trying to imagine, what and why I would be doing given I were a man of great power. So first off, what does monsanto do exactly? They have genetically modified some plants to be more nutritive, and less sensible to the environment so to bring crops even in more hostile circumstances. Nothing wrong so far. Well none I wish to mention at this point anyway.
Now if I were researching and modifying genes of plants we eat, I would want a safe switch. I mean, what if by accident we create something that is a half success, like a type of corn, that is more resistant, but is ultimately poisonous. I wouldn't want it to be able to spread now, would I? So what kind of safety would I use? Given I already have laboratories and the best minds in the field of genetics working for me, my first choice would be an artificial virus. We can make viruses that specifically target certain lifeforms, we could even produce viruses that target only a single individual.
So as boss, I would go over to one of my top researchers and say "Listen John, As far as I can see, you're the best man I have on the team for this problem. You know we're making the world a better place, but this has high risks. I want zero casualties if anything goes wrong, so we need a solution to pull the plug on our crops quickly, if we see something's not going the right way. Can I trust you with this high priority problem?"
Of course John is thrilled to be one of the most important members on the team, and accepts the challenge and does his best ultimately succeeding in his goal. He gets a great congratulation, a great bonus, even an employee of the year award. The project being completed all weight being lifted off his shoulder, the "cure" gets locked away in a cooled safe.
I think you know where this is going, but don't think too ahead.
The new corn is ready, it really is great. Huge grains grow on it, it's just wonderful to see technology benefiting nature and man kind. Farmers are amazed and want to get their hands on the seeds as soon as possible, because they know, with this advance their older crops would be rendered worthless.
Soon the majority of the crops are the genetically modified corn we've just seen produced. With a trademark on them, no one is allowed to grow them without benefiting those who made it. Seems fair, they have put effort in to making all this possible.
But concern rises. There are a lot of people thinking we're playing God by altering nature. So why should we be the bad guys? Let's collect all kinds of seeds, so they will be at hand in a time of need. Now people are a bit more relaxed seeing we are concerned with biodiversity.
After some time, almost everyone is happy with the crops, People are willing to pay the small fee we charge them for our efforts. Everything is good, we're getting richer by the minute.
Now for the tricky part. There will be a time, when our share will somehow be cut. By federal law, or by a rise of resistance from the population, to pay for something that just grows on their land without us having anything to do with it in the last decade or so. War brakes out or there's just some kind of failure and somehow Johns "cure" gets out in the world. Within 2 years all GM crops die. Just like that. Hunger strikes out in the world, but luckily we're the good guys. In the last 10 years we've already researched the second or even the third generation of corn, that is unaffected by the virus that killed all our previous creations. But we're not going to put it on market yet.
First we're going to sell people the old bio-diverse seed back that they provided us in the first place. With global hunger partially solved once again, we will have a press conference that we're working once again on a new plant even better, even more resistant than the previous one.
A year passes, we release our second generation seeds on the market, and everybody is full of joy once again, that all the crops are growing once again as they should.
I wonder how many times they will be able to pull this off...

Blue elephants

Well to be honest, the title is all in today's entry concerning blue elephants... Not much to say about them anyway.
I've been giving it a lot of thought, and decided, that women and sex are very popular blogging material, and it's easy to write things about the opposite sex, and be right, even to be popular, but the point is, that you can't decipher them anyway, so why all the fuss?

I'll try to talk about not so extraordinary topics, that I see are not given enough thought.
Like toothpaste. No one seems to talk about toothpaste. Except the good looking doctor in the commercial... And how frustrating they can be...

So anyway, i say, people should share their experiences concerning toothpaste. Of course it's just as hard to talk about as sex. You can't just tell someone, who comes over, to "go to the bathroom and try out my new toothpaste, it's simply amazing", first of all, because (s)he'd simply think you're nuts. Why would you want someone to try out your toothpaste. But let's say for the sake of argument, that (s)he doesn't. How is (s)he going to try it?

Obviously (s)he didn't bring his toothbrush from home, if he came on a half-an-hour visit, and (s)he won't take your toothbrush in his mouth unless it's really a matter of life or death. I will get back to this later. So what he can do, is just put some on his finger, and then put it in his mouth. But if it's a toothpaste, he never tried in his life, how is he going to know how much to try? It often happened to me, that I put too much, and just didn't know what to do, because it was burning even my left eye.

So OK, let's go even further and suppose, that our guy hit the concentration head on, and tried just enough... What does he do with it? Wobble it around in his mouth for a couple of seconds, and then spits it out. End he can tell you an opinion on it... Actually he can't. He can only have an opinion on the taste of the toothpaste. He has absolutely no idea, on how well it cleans, which should be the main characteristic of a toothpaste. OK, taste is important too, you can't walk around if you just washed your teeth with a garlic flavored toothpaste, although if everyone used that, no one would be offended by the smell.

So let's get back to someone else's toothbrush. What do we do with a toothbrush? We wash it, then put a highly concentrated cleaning solution on it, then put it in our mouths and move it around for several minutes, after which we wash it again. So why are we disgusted by the idea of using some one's toothbrush? Most people don't seem to mind sharing a bottle, sometimes a cigarette... And these are things you don't clean after usage.
I say, if you are willing to french kiss someone, you can goddamn jolly well use a toothbrush too.

But sadly this isn't enough said. Let's say we don't mind sharing a toothbrush. How do you convince someone to try out your toothpaste without offending him, or causing him trauma, making him think that his mouth smells? If you tell him not to be offended, you weren't saying his mouth smelled, the more traumatized he'll be. I just can't think of any way to get someone try out your toothpaste for what it's really worth.

But we could just talk about toothpaste. Why don't we?

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01. Add this blog to your bookmarks,
02. Read every entry to the present blog,
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05. Checking if there was a 4th statement,
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With all this being said and agreed to by both parties I welcome you to my new blog:

This being my first post, I'm probably expected to describe my intentions on what i will be writing about, so you can decide weather or not you wish to follow my blog.
To be honest, I have yet to find out, what you people find interesting, so i won't guarantee 100% addiction starting with the first couple of posts. I will however appreciate any and all feedback from you guys, no offense taken if it's not positive... In case I do get a "f@ck you" or resembling comment, I am going to leave it there, so as to identify the character of its sender.

Thank you for your time, my upcoming post will be appearing shortly, and will probably have something to do, with blue elephants.